For those not familiar with the practice, bloggers sometimes see an interesting idea that they think might stimulate some creativity out in the world, so they invite others (by ‘tagging’ them) to try their hand at the same subject or meme…
So, my friend and fellow blogger Maktaaq, I accept your challenge, which is:
…to describe 5–6 imaginary courses, each intended to ‘fix up something in my life’ (or, as I also interpret it, improve it, given newly acquired knowledge or skills). I get to use at least one course from the tagger, since it’s more fun to go to classes with a friend. Finally, I get to tag 5 others, which I’ll do at the end. So, School is In Session…
First, the courses I’d take with Maktaaq? Let’s start with the obvious:
Arachnid Wrangling 102
On successful completion of the course you will be able to undergo successful removal of spiders and scorpions from your environment, both with utensils and bare hands.
Prerequisite: Insect Squashing 101.
We’ve discovered that while there are relatively few insects to be found in our home here (certainly far fewer than the numbers that we used to deal with back in Boston and in trips to Vermont and New Hampshire), there are a lot of spiders. And by a lot, I mean that every other week I have to kill one in the tub in the morning, and that’s no fun before a shower or even having fully woken up. Pam is very frightened of spiders, and a large one in the kitchen had her wearing shoes for dish washing, since my ineffectual swipe at him caused him to scurry under the stove.
Here’s the other course of Maktaaq’s that I’d also take:
Decorative Flourishes 499
Impress potential lovers and intimidate your minions with a mere pen! This studio course is for anyone who needs a dramatic signature. Using Elizabethan and Medieval European sources, students will learn develop their own exaggerated handwriting through the study of Celtic crosses, curlicues, flourishes and twisty things. Assignments include signing credit cards and spray can tagging. Prerequisite: Scribbling 100.
While I do have a fairly fancy signature, I’ve always been impressed with calligraphy, etc. Besides, whenever I do actually write anything, it often looks like a bad version of Architect printing.
And what other courses would I take? Let’s see…
Organization for the Neatness-Challenged 4002
Not sure how to get your mess under control? This class will deal with spatial and temporal organizational effectiveness in a variety of spaces and situations. Get some valuable tips for dealing with information and paper overload.
Prerequisite: Paper Shredding 4001
British Columbia Geography 399
Clueless about where all of those places in the Lower Mainland are? Can’t tell Nootka from Bella Coola (or even Bela Lugosi?) This course will get you straightened out, with numerous field trips to various BC geological and cultural landmarks. Students will compare topological maps to actual terrain via helicopter and float-plane fly-overs, and at the end of the semester, the class will pool their newly gained knowledge at a Spa retreat in Tofino.
Prerequisite: None, except for a hefty tuition fee
Speed Reading 205
Using a variety of techniques, students will endeavor to double, triple, and eventually quintuple their reading speed while gaining comprehension and retention of material, with the ultimate goal of ingesting Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov in 23 minutes.
Prerequisite: Reading Glasses for those who are losing their vision. That means you, Drucker.
Efficient Sleep Techniques 102
Are you getting enough sleep? More accurately, is your sleep getting you enough? Learn how to cram 7–8 hours of sleep into a single hour. Through 5 minute ‘power naps’, learn to operate at peak efficiency fort weeks without significant time spent tossing and turning in bed. At the end of the course, students will be graded on the quality and intensity of their snoozing. Extra credit will include napping practice as well as individual projects in directed dreaming.
Prerequisite: Beginning Sleep 101