The Autumn Semester

For those not famil­iar with the prac­tice, blog­gers some­times see an inter­est­ing idea that they think might stim­u­late some cre­ativ­ity out in the world, so they invite oth­ers (by ‘tag­ging’ them) to try their hand at the same sub­ject or meme…
So, my friend and fel­low blog­ger Mak­taaq, I accept your chal­lenge, which is:

…to describe 5–6 imag­i­nary courses, each intended to ‘fix up some­thing in my life’ (or, as I also inter­pret it, improve it, given newly acquired knowl­edge or skills). I get to use at least one course from the tag­ger, since it’s more fun to go to classes with a friend. Finally, I get to tag 5 oth­ers, which I’ll do at the end. So, School is In Session…

First, the courses I’d take with Mak­taaq? Let’s start with the obvious:

Arach­nid Wran­gling 102
On suc­cess­ful com­ple­tion of the course you will be able to undergo suc­cess­ful removal of spi­ders and scor­pi­ons from your envi­ron­ment, both with uten­sils and bare hands.
Pre­req­ui­site: Insect Squash­ing 101.

We’ve dis­cov­ered that while there are rel­a­tively few insects to be found in our home here (cer­tainly far fewer than the num­bers that we used to deal with back in Boston and in trips to Ver­mont and New Hamp­shire), there are a lot of spi­ders. And by a lot, I mean that every other week I have to kill one in the tub in the morn­ing, and that’s no fun before a shower or even hav­ing fully woken up. Pam is very fright­ened of spi­ders, and a large one in the kitchen had her wear­ing shoes for dish wash­ing, since my inef­fec­tual swipe at him caused him to scurry under the stove.
Here’s the other course of Maktaaq’s that I’d also take:

Dec­o­ra­tive Flour­ishes 499
Impress poten­tial lovers and intim­i­date your min­ions with a mere pen! This stu­dio course is for any­one who needs a dra­matic sig­na­ture. Using Eliz­a­bethan and Medieval Euro­pean sources, stu­dents will learn develop their own exag­ger­ated hand­writ­ing through the study of Celtic crosses, curlicues, flour­ishes and twisty things. Assign­ments include sign­ing credit cards and spray can tag­ging. Pre­req­ui­site: Scrib­bling 100.

While I do have a fairly fancy sig­na­ture, I’ve always been impressed with cal­lig­ra­phy, etc. Besides, when­ever I do actu­ally write any­thing, it often looks like a bad ver­sion of Archi­tect print­ing.
And what other courses would I take? Let’s see…

Orga­ni­za­tion for the Neatness-Challenged 4002
Not sure how to get your mess under con­trol? This class will deal with spa­tial and tem­po­ral orga­ni­za­tional effec­tive­ness in a vari­ety of spaces and sit­u­a­tions. Get some valu­able tips for deal­ing with infor­ma­tion and paper over­load.
Pre­req­ui­site: Paper Shred­ding 4001

British Colum­bia Geog­ra­phy 399
Clue­less about where all of those places in the Lower Main­land are? Can’t tell Nootka from Bella Coola (or even Bela Lugosi?) This course will get you straight­ened out, with numer­ous field trips to var­i­ous BC geo­log­i­cal and cul­tural land­marks. Stu­dents will com­pare topo­log­i­cal maps to actual ter­rain via heli­copter and float-plane fly-overs, and at the end of the semes­ter, the class will pool their newly gained knowl­edge at a Spa retreat in Tofino.
Pre­req­ui­site: None, except for a hefty tuition fee

Speed Read­ing 205
Using a vari­ety of tech­niques, stu­dents will endeavor to dou­ble, triple, and even­tu­ally quin­tu­ple their read­ing speed while gain­ing com­pre­hen­sion and reten­tion of mate­r­ial, with the ulti­mate goal of ingest­ing Dostoevsky’s The Broth­ers Kara­ma­zov in 23 min­utes.
Pre­req­ui­site: Read­ing Glasses for those who are los­ing their vision. That means you, Drucker.

Effi­cient Sleep Tech­niques 102
Are you get­ting enough sleep? More accu­rately, is your sleep get­ting you enough? Learn how to cram 7–8 hours of sleep into a sin­gle hour. Through 5 minute ‘power naps’, learn to oper­ate at peak effi­ciency fort weeks with­out sig­nif­i­cant time spent toss­ing and turn­ing in bed. At the end of the course, stu­dents will be graded on the qual­ity and inten­sity of their snooz­ing. Extra credit will include nap­ping prac­tice as well as indi­vid­ual projects in directed dream­ing.
Pre­req­ui­site: Begin­ning Sleep 101

Now, who do I tag? Let’s see what Isabel, Gene, Nancy, John and Monique can with this…