Matt and I got to talking about the similarity of menus in some of the chain restaurants around Vancouver, namely the Cactus Club, Earl’s, Joey’s and Milestones, which led him to make this post, which had me ROFLMAO.(If you don’t know that acronym, it means I was amused).
Not to be outdone, I think there are other chains around here that have similar menus, but these are the Coffee Houses. With the exception of a few independent coffee houses sprinkled here and there in the city (the Wicked Café being one of my all-time favourites) most of the coffee that is served in Vancouver comes from the chains: Blenz, Seattle’s Best, JJ Bean, the higher-end Caffe Artigiano, and of course, Starbucks. The menu I’m talking about here is not the coffee drinks, but instead the cakes, pastries and other items served along with the coffee. I could include that most Canadian of Institutions, Tim Hortons, but for now I’m going to assume that although they do serve a lot of coffee there, it’s mainly to accompany their donuts. The same goes for Bread Garden, Bojangles and the countless smaller chains that I can’t think of at the moment: the coffee is to accompany the other items on their menu, not the other way around. However, if you could create a menu for the typical Vancouver Chain Café, let’s say Best JJ Blenziano-Bucks, it would look something like this:
Best JJ Blenziano-Bucks
Oat cake that is probably also good as a building material
Fudgie Brownie thing
Dry as a bone Scone
Blueberry Bar
Date Bar (just like Blueberry bar but drier and ‘healthier’)
Chewy Marshmallow Treats Square (for the 4‑year old in all of us)
Cinnamon Roll
Molasses Cookie
Macaroons
Chocolate-dipped Macaroons
Pumpkin or Banana Bread or Lemon Pound Cake (sometimes available in Reduced-fat versions)
Coffee Cake
Very Dry Blueberry muffin
Get the feeling the menu is mainly about sugar? I wish one could get ‘savory’ items at one of these cafes, like a plain croissant, ham and cheese croissant or a spinach croissant (like they had in Boston’s Starbucks but apparently not on this coast). I also wouldn’t mind a Cornish Pasty, a soft pretzel or maybe even poutines. (All right, maybe not those). Did someone decide that coffee needed something sweet with it, or are these other items beyond the storage capabilities of a Best JJ Blenziano-Bucks Café.
Great, now you got me thinking about poutine.
Y’know, I must confess, I’ve never actually had good Poutine. I know it’s out there, but it’s probably east of the Rockies, for sure.
On the other hand, if anyone knows of a good place to get Poutine in Vancouver, my heart goes out to you. No, really, it’s jumping up out of my chest, begging you not to tell me this information…